Category Archives: Lifestyle

When you start to think, stop.

“My gauge each day, in all things, is simply this: Is what I’m choosing (to think, do or say) moving me closer to my Creator or farther away? For this question, I am immensely thankful. It saves me an awful lot of backtracking, worry lines, frustration, angst and apologizing. Today and every day, I give thanks for my ability to exercise power of choice—even when I’ve chosen wrong.”
—Richard Wagamese in EMBERS: ONE OJIBWAY’S MEDITATIONS

Years ago I attended a writing workshop led by Richard Wagamese. His process, he told us, was to go for long walks in the hills and tell himself a story out loud as he climbed. When he returned home, he’d write it all down, letting the words pour unto the page. He’d write, he said, until he “started to think.”

When thoughts began to run through his head—”Is that the right word?” or “Should I take that part out?” or “This is the worst thing ever”—it was time to stop.

The words weren’t coming from Source anymore.

At the workshop he invited participants to give him a topic—any topic—so that he could tell us a story. Several times he received his subject, reflected only for a second or two, and then began to speak.

In a miraculous way, he opened himself up to become a channel for story. He surrendered to it. Story unfolded through him, complete and beautiful from beginning to end.

I think of this often, when my hands hover over laptop keys, uncertain. Or when those questions or comments start to circulate. “Does this word belong?” or “Is that part too long?” or “Am I wasting my time with this?”

I’m no Richard Wagamese, but I try to recreate what he showed to me that day, not only in writing, but in day-to-day life. For stories or for difficult decisions, I try to open, to surrender, and to allow the unfolding.

When I manage it, even a little, I’m surprised by how complete and beautiful it all turns out, from beginning to end.

And when I start to think, I stop.

Cover of Embers: One Ojibway's Meditations by Richard Wagamese

Pi Day, P.I.E. Day, Pie day

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March 14, or 3/14 ,celebrates Pi, the ratio of a circle’s circumference to its diameter most often approximated with the decimal 3.14. What better way to celebrate the irrational number (a decimal with no end and no repeating pattern) than by eating pie!

This day in Canada is also P.I.E. Day, a day to be Public, Intentional and Explicit allies of LGBTQ2SIA+ people. There is no end and no repeating pattern to people. Let’s affirm that. Let’s celebrate that by eating pie!

I invite you to scroll down below the picture of the pie and read the words of my cherished friend, Derek Kitchen, a member of the Pride group at my church.

The theme for P.I.E. Day is the year of intention. In the coming year what can I learn? What steps can I take to overcome fear? I intend to find out.

Read more about why we need more P.I.E. please.

Why we need more P.I.E., please

By Derek Kitchen

As an affirming congregation we love our trans brothers, sisters, children, grandchildren, friends, extended and chosen family and friends.

But I would also ask that, in order to affirm trans people, we may need to better understand the challenges posed by those who fear them, and perhaps educate those who act out of fear and misunderstanding.

We are now familiar with the challenges faced by trans refugees who have been beaten, tortured, burned out of their encampments, and faced with abuse even from governments, clergy, police and other refugees.

Trans people are murdered and subjected to violence at a higher rate than other gay and lesbian people. The human rights campaign reported the highest number of murdered trans people ever in 2021 with a reported total of 58 trans people murdered, predominantly members of the Black and LatinX populations. It is further expected that many trans murders go unreported because of stigmatization and homelessness amongst the trans community.

Trans youth are at a high risk for suicide. Lesbian, gay and bisexual teens in Canada are 5 times more likely than other teens to consider suicide and 7 times more likely to consider it. Trans youth are at even greater risk. The national institute of health in the USA reports that 86% of trans youth have seriously considered suicide, and 56% have had at least one suicide attempt.

It is important for us to support all trans people, but especially to support younger trans people who are at much higher risk. We need to provide safe spaces where they can ask questions without being judged, and many cannot do this safely at home, with their doctors, in their schools or faith communities.

Lest we think this is mostly an American problem, I’ll refer you to a CBC story from March 5, exactly one week ago. Some teachers in the York Catholic District School Board, have been displaying “Safe Space Stickers” the size of bumper stickers. These feature the inclusive pride flag, with trans colors included, and they signal acceptance to LGBTQ children and teens. Many of these stickers have been torn, defaced with epithets and profanity, and removed.

Police had to be called when a group of parents stormed the board meeting to protest the use of these stickers in schools. There were comments like, “They are not safe spaces. They should warn that they’re danger zones!” and “They’re preaching confusion and acceptance which is truly disgusting.” One parent said the stickers were not compatible with faith and that LGBT students should not be allowed to attend the school.

Now we know that in Ontario this kind of exclusion is a violation of the Ministry of Education’s Human Rights policies, but this does not make the situation any less complicated for trans kids or their families.

I would suggest that we not be silent when we see this kind of oppression.

As allies to the trans community, we cannot remain neutral because remaining neutral only empowers the oppressor.

There are many ways to be an ally to trans people. There are many online and other resources that can elaborate on simple strategies explaining how you can help. Most importantly, we can try to educate those who may be acting in harmful ways, possibly out of fear.

“There is no fear in love, but perfect love casts out fear…whoever fears has not reached perfection in love.”
— 1 John 4:18

In sauna

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“I noticed that she used this phrase again and again: in sauna rather than in the sauna. She’s not talking about a building, a little pine shed with burning coals in the corner; she’s talking about a state of being.”

—Katherine May, speaking of a Finnish friend in Wintering: The Power of Rest and Retreat in Difficult Times

Yesterday I took a day. A whole day.

I went for a short walk, but other than that I did nothing but lie on my couch, read a book, and watch the Toronto Blue Jays and Tim Hortons Brier curling.

I don’t have a pine shed with burning coals or a cedar-lined sanctuary, but I spent the day in sauna, in the way of Katherine May’s friend.

That is something I almost never do. I’m always doing something.

It was glorious.

Today I feel restored, and that is the power of rest and retreat.

The ups and downs of it all

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The most common response to roller coaster, my word(s) for 2023, is . . . horror. Eyes widen and lips fall open. A person might event take a step away from me.

I read the thoughts: Why would she choose something so . . . erratic? Why would she invite that kind of energy into her life?

So far this year I have spent a lot of time going up and down, up and down, up and down. We skied for a week in fabulous Revelstoke, British Columbia, where the gondolas and ski lifts pulled me up, up, up, and gravitational potential energy converted to kinetic energy carried my down, down, down.

It was FUN!

One of the things I appreciate about the ups and downs of it all is that up is both a grand thing entirely and a tough old slog or a concern.

Things are looking up.
She's so upbeat.
It's an uphill climb out of debt.
The grocery store prices are up.
Something's up over there.

And down is both a breezy joyride and a depressing turn of events or a concern.

The hard parts over, so it's all downhill from here!
I'm down with that.
The best is over, it's all downhill from here. 
She's looking down in the mouth.
Something's going down over there.

I enjoyed the up rides on the ski gondolas and chairs. I put forth no effort. I chatted with strangers. I warmed up and rested a little. A grand thing entirely.

Arlene Somerton Smith inside a gondola on its way up Reverstoke. — Riding the gondola. A grand thing entirely.

At the mountain peak, I looked down at the spectacular view and the ski trails. “It’s all downhill from here!” Whoosh! whee! A breeze.

View from the peak of Revelstoke Ski Resort. The sun breaking through clouds and illuminating a distant mountain peak. — I had to go up in order to see this spectacular view.

But if I were standing beside a bicycle at the bottom of a mountain looking up at an arduous climb, I would see it as a tough old slog. ( My daughter’s boyfriend LOVES to climb hills on bicycle. See? We all can’t seem to agree.)

Or if I missed my bus on the way to work, arrived late to an important meeting and spilled coffee on my boss, the rest of my day might go downhill from there.

Up, down, up, down, up, down.

On my 2023 roller coaster I might be riding, climbing or slogging up, or I might be whooshing, slumping or tumbling down, but the one thing I will not be doing is standing still. It’ll be fun!

What’s up with you? I hope you have everything down pat in your life.

3 things to hate and love for fun and gratitude

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During a writing workshop led by the fabulous Melissa Yi (emergency room doctor and writer, because both are so easy), she proposed finding humour by turning hate into love.

Here’s how it works: Think of a situation, and name three things you hate about it. Perhaps a ride on a municipal bus, for example.

I hate when a bus is late, so I have to stand outside and wait.
I hate when people hold long, loud telephone conversations on a bus. I especially hate when they use speakerphone.
I hate when someone falls asleep and snores.

You’re with me? All those things are contemptible. But Melissa suggested I should flip that into love.

I love when the bus is late, because it gives me time to have a conversation with a neighbour and hear all about his prostate operation.
I love when people hold loud, long telephone conversations, because it gives me good dialogue tips for the annoying characters in my stories. And speakerphone gives me both sides of the conversation. Two annoying characters at once!
I love when someone falls asleep and snores. It keeps me awake so I don’t miss my stop.

Here’s your challenge for the day. Turn some hate into love. You might laugh, and you’ll for sure find some gratitude.

A stop sign is posted on a gate, Below the words STOP are the words HATE. STOP HATE.

Power, prickly pears and puffballs

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A doozy of a storm blew through Ontario, Canada on Saturday, May 21. In Ottawa, the storm caused more damage than either our legendary ice storm of 1998 or our more recent tornado. The tornado destroyed 80 hydro poles; this storm toppled 300.

We lost power for 7 days.

At that, we were lucky. Most houses in our neighbourhood are still without. As I write this, I hear generators in the distance. And chainsaws. And sirens.

An man sits in front of a huge felled tree trunk, the sawed surface approximately 3 feet across. — My husband in front of the trunk of a massive felled tree.

A crane is in position on a city street, preparing to live a 7000-pound tree trunk up and over a house. — My husband in front of the trunk of a massive felled tree.

Living without power for that long is disorienting for people of the 21st Century. We couldn’t focus. Routines fell apart. Sleep patterns were disrupted. We ate differently, and our digestive tracts protested. We moved from one room to another with a flashlight in one hand while flicking a (useless) light switch with the other.

Unable to work, or do pretty much anything, people moved around neighbourhoods like zombies. We mourned the loss of beloved trees. So many trees toppled or torn in two.

The event reminded us of the cruel indifference of nature. Sometimes a perfectly healthy tree had snapped while older, sicker ones nearby stayed standing.

The storm was not “fair” or “unfair.” It was its wild self.

7 huge pines trees lie where they fell across a forest path. — Healthy pines snapped off, blocking our forest walking path.

A temporary set-up for power when the generator ran. One cord leads to a freezer, another to a kettle and another to a phone charger. — Healthy pines snapped off, blocking our forest walking path.

Through it all, when we met neighbours on our walks, we counted our blessings:

We didn’t have bombs falling on our heads.
Gunmen were not shooting up our schools.
We had access to generators.
We had to worry about losing food, so that meant we had food to lose.
We had no internet, but we had data plans!

I found another blessing while burning up data on my phone powered by a generator, I read a post on one of my favourite Facebook pages: The View From Connaught Pond, Grant Dobson | Facebook. I learned that the prickly pear cactus can thrive in Canada. I never would have thought it! That simple knowledge gave me joy in our time of frustration.

Another spot of joy came when I dug around in my garden and came upon some puffballs. I hadn’t seen them since I was a kid tromping around our farm woodlot. It was a simple, silly thing, but it brought light to my day when electricity couldn’t.

Watch the puffball, and tell me, what brought you gratitude and joy today?

My husband demonstrates proper puffball technique.