Tag Archives: Kindness

When you start to think, stop.

“My gauge each day, in all things, is simply this: Is what I’m choosing (to think, do or say) moving me closer to my Creator or farther away? For this question, I am immensely thankful. It saves me an awful lot of backtracking, worry lines, frustration, angst and apologizing. Today and every day, I give thanks for my ability to exercise power of choice—even when I’ve chosen wrong.”
—Richard Wagamese in EMBERS: ONE OJIBWAY’S MEDITATIONS

Years ago I attended a writing workshop led by Richard Wagamese. His process, he told us, was to go for long walks in the hills and tell himself a story out loud as he climbed. When he returned home, he’d write it all down, letting the words pour unto the page. He’d write, he said, until he “started to think.”

When thoughts began to run through his head—”Is that the right word?” or “Should I take that part out?” or “This is the worst thing ever”—it was time to stop.

The words weren’t coming from Source anymore.

At the workshop he invited participants to give him a topic—any topic—so that he could tell us a story. Several times he received his subject, reflected only for a second or two, and then began to speak.

In a miraculous way, he opened himself up to become a channel for story. He surrendered to it. Story unfolded through him, complete and beautiful from beginning to end.

I think of this often, when my hands hover over laptop keys, uncertain. Or when those questions or comments start to circulate. “Does this word belong?” or “Is that part too long?” or “Am I wasting my time with this?”

I’m no Richard Wagamese, but I try to recreate what he showed to me that day, not only in writing, but in day-to-day life. For stories or for difficult decisions, I try to open, to surrender, and to allow the unfolding.

When I manage it, even a little, I’m surprised by how complete and beautiful it all turns out, from beginning to end.

And when I start to think, I stop.

Cover of Embers: One Ojibway's Meditations by Richard Wagamese

Pi Day, P.I.E. Day, Pie day

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March 14, or 3/14 ,celebrates Pi, the ratio of a circle’s circumference to its diameter most often approximated with the decimal 3.14. What better way to celebrate the irrational number (a decimal with no end and no repeating pattern) than by eating pie!

This day in Canada is also P.I.E. Day, a day to be Public, Intentional and Explicit allies of LGBTQ2SIA+ people. There is no end and no repeating pattern to people. Let’s affirm that. Let’s celebrate that by eating pie!

I invite you to scroll down below the picture of the pie and read the words of my cherished friend, Derek Kitchen, a member of the Pride group at my church.

The theme for P.I.E. Day is the year of intention. In the coming year what can I learn? What steps can I take to overcome fear? I intend to find out.

Read more about why we need more P.I.E. please.

Why we need more P.I.E., please

By Derek Kitchen

As an affirming congregation we love our trans brothers, sisters, children, grandchildren, friends, extended and chosen family and friends.

But I would also ask that, in order to affirm trans people, we may need to better understand the challenges posed by those who fear them, and perhaps educate those who act out of fear and misunderstanding.

We are now familiar with the challenges faced by trans refugees who have been beaten, tortured, burned out of their encampments, and faced with abuse even from governments, clergy, police and other refugees.

Trans people are murdered and subjected to violence at a higher rate than other gay and lesbian people. The human rights campaign reported the highest number of murdered trans people ever in 2021 with a reported total of 58 trans people murdered, predominantly members of the Black and LatinX populations. It is further expected that many trans murders go unreported because of stigmatization and homelessness amongst the trans community.

Trans youth are at a high risk for suicide. Lesbian, gay and bisexual teens in Canada are 5 times more likely than other teens to consider suicide and 7 times more likely to consider it. Trans youth are at even greater risk. The national institute of health in the USA reports that 86% of trans youth have seriously considered suicide, and 56% have had at least one suicide attempt.

It is important for us to support all trans people, but especially to support younger trans people who are at much higher risk. We need to provide safe spaces where they can ask questions without being judged, and many cannot do this safely at home, with their doctors, in their schools or faith communities.

Lest we think this is mostly an American problem, I’ll refer you to a CBC story from March 5, exactly one week ago. Some teachers in the York Catholic District School Board, have been displaying “Safe Space Stickers” the size of bumper stickers. These feature the inclusive pride flag, with trans colors included, and they signal acceptance to LGBTQ children and teens. Many of these stickers have been torn, defaced with epithets and profanity, and removed.

Police had to be called when a group of parents stormed the board meeting to protest the use of these stickers in schools. There were comments like, “They are not safe spaces. They should warn that they’re danger zones!” and “They’re preaching confusion and acceptance which is truly disgusting.” One parent said the stickers were not compatible with faith and that LGBT students should not be allowed to attend the school.

Now we know that in Ontario this kind of exclusion is a violation of the Ministry of Education’s Human Rights policies, but this does not make the situation any less complicated for trans kids or their families.

I would suggest that we not be silent when we see this kind of oppression.

As allies to the trans community, we cannot remain neutral because remaining neutral only empowers the oppressor.

There are many ways to be an ally to trans people. There are many online and other resources that can elaborate on simple strategies explaining how you can help. Most importantly, we can try to educate those who may be acting in harmful ways, possibly out of fear.

“There is no fear in love, but perfect love casts out fear…whoever fears has not reached perfection in love.”
— 1 John 4:18

Measures for our judgmental world

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This week, Marian at Plain and Fancy Girl reminisced about her childhood songs and recitations. She reminded me that, about a thousand years ago (or so it seems) when I was in elementary school, we sang “God Save the Queen” and “O Canada” every morning. After that, every student recited The Lord’s Prayer. (In that part of rural Ontario, Canada in the 1960s every child was Christian.)

The idea shocks me now. I’m in favour of secular education that excludes no one. But back then that was the way of my world.

My Grade 8 home room teacher took things a step farther. He made us memorize and recite a small selection of his favourite Bible verses. Among them:

7 “Judge not, that you be not judged. ²For with the judgment you pronounce you will be judged, and the measure you give will be the measure you get. ³Why do you see the speck that is in your brother’s eye, but do not notice the log that is in your own eye?
Matthew 7:1-3

I have Mr. Delport to thank for the fact that decades later I can still recite those words without hesitation. And I feel we need them more than ever in our polarized world. People at extreme ends of political, religious or climate change spectrums cruelly snipe at and try to diminish or dehumanize each other.

Not helpful.

Of course, we judge others. It’s a built-in survival mechanism that prevents us from handing over our life savings to the scammer on the phone who says he represents our credit card company.

But we can still extract wisdom from the ancient scripture. It doesn’t mean that we shouldn’t judge others or expect never to be judged ourselves. It does mean that we should apply the same measure of kindness and consideration of circumstances to others as we would wish them to apply to us.

My teacher was trying to urge us, during the wild hormonal ride of Grades 7 and 8, to assess our relationships with others with care. Before making catty comments about another girl’s wardrobe or hair, we could look at the circumstances of her life and realize that she was doing her best. Before spreading rumours, we could consider how hurtful such a rumour would be for ourselves. Instead of making a person with a lower mark on a test feel bad about the result, we could sympathize or even offer to help.

My grade school days are over, but this crazy world of extremes needs Mr. Delport’s guidance more than ever.

A measure of kindness.

A consideration of circumstance.

Some empathy or sympathy and some offers of help.

The standard measures at 62 Fahrenheit verified by the Standards Department Board of Trade 1882 of 1 foot, 2 feet and and Imperial Yard. As mounted on at wall in Glasgow, UK.

The parable of the shovels

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Two men stood on opposite sides of a field. An Overseer gave the order: “Dig.”

The tip of a metal shovel breaking ground.

The first man said “Okay! I can handle that. I’ve been preparing all my life to dig.” He selected his best shovel from five shovels leaning against a large storage shed, and he set to work. He had no trouble digging; his parents had paid for digging lessons when he was a child, and he had a college degree in shovelling. He was so good at digging that sometimes this man wished he had more shovels. The families of some of his friends had so many shovels they needed more than one storage shed. They had more than they could ever use, and this man knew his life would be better too, if he amassed a larger supply.

The second man across the field heard the “Dig” instruction and set to work. He had no shovel, so he dug using his bare hands. He had never had a shovel, so he wouldn’t have known what to do with one if he had it. He believed that shovels were something only other people had, and they were a dream he would never attain. He was a little afraid of shovels, truth be told. And the people who had shovels didn’t treat him nicely at all, so he didn’t want to become like them. Because he didn’t have a shovel, he had to dig longer and work harder than the other man, and he still didn’t get as much done. But he kept working. One day he fell ill, but he dug anyway. There are no such things a sick days for people with no shovels.

The first man didn’t pay much attention to what was happening on the far away side of the field, but one day he decided to take a well-deserved afternoon off and go for a walk. When he came to the side of the field where the second man was working through his lunch hour, he saw how little progress the man had made.

“Look at that,” he said. “He’s hardly done anything. He’s waiting for me to pick up the slack.”

He shook his head and walked away. “He’s just lazy and riding on my coattails.” He didn’t notice that the man had no tools to work with. It didn’t occur to him to share any of the shovels he wasn’t using.

The Overseer came back to check on progress. He visited the man digging with his bare hands, and he complimented him on his progress. “You have done well,” he said. The digger knew he had worked hard. He felt proud of the results of his hard work, even though he knew it wouldn’t look like much to others.

The Overseer went to visit the man with many shovels. That digger said, “Look at what I’ve done.” He waved an arm to show off the large area of ground he had worked. “I’ve done so much more than that guy over there.” He pointed to the small patch the other digger had worked on the opposite corner of the field.

“You have done well,” the Overseer said, “But do you think you might have a shovel to spare?”

Startled, the first digger replied, “Why, sure, I guess.” He’d never thought of that before. He looked down at the shovel in his hand. It had a sturdy handle, and it was just the right length. He really loved it. He didn’t want to give that one away, so he kept his favourite shovel. He gave the Overseer one he’d forgotten he even had out of the back of the shed.

The Overseer returned to the far side of the field and placed the shovel into the dirty and calloused hands of the second digger. The man held it out from his body, overwhelmed at first. He had never handled shovels, so it felt awkward. He didn’t think he deserved such a thing.

“Use it. It will help you,” the Overseer said.

Eventually the second digger gained confidence and became quite comfortable with the new tool. It worked so well for him, he even enjoyed some time off every once in a while.

♥

There will always be people with more or fewer tools.
Don’t judge people who don’t have tools.
Don’t be afraid of tools; master them and they will help.
Everyone is worthy of tools.
Consider the needs of others and get them some tools, if you can.
Sometimes we don’t even realize that we have more tools than we really need.
It’s okay to keep your favourite tool.

Found hearts

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While hiking at the Mill of Kintail last week, I came across this heart rock on one of the boardwalks.

A few weeks ago, I woke up and looked out my bedroom window to see this collection of hearts on my neighbours’ lawn, in celebration of their 60th wedding anniversary.

Over the years, I’ve encountered heart-shaped rocks in several locations, including during a Habitat for Humanity build in Bolivia. That heart became part of the foundation of the house we built together.

My niece went to an amethyst mine near Thunder Bay and brought me back this sample.

When I come across an unexpected heart, it always makes my smile. I think we all need a little lift these days, am I right?

May my found hearts help to lift yours. What are your favourite hearts?

Carve your name on hearts

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“Carve your name on hearts, not on marble.”
—Charles H. Spurgeon

I first read this quote years ago in the email signature of one of my daughter’s teachers.

It reassured me to know that my daughter was spending some of her days with a person with that kind of mindfulness. He was wasn’t working for himself; he was working for the children. Every day he was carving his name on students’ hearts, so he’d better make it good.

Today, you will carve your name on someone’s heart. What indelible impression will you leave?

Child's drawing where a mother and daughter make up one side of a heart. — When she was a child my daughter drew this picture of us. We’re carved into her heart together.

Somerton Smith

Meaningful Words